Formalities just weren't working

I had kind of planned to go to mass on Easter (after a few years of hardly any mass attendance, I've kind of become a Christmas & Easter Catholic ... if that). Mom always sends a little package for Easter and this year included a book called Love Poems from God edited by Daniel Ladinsky, in which he collected spiritual thoughts in the form of poetry from "12 sacred voices from the East and West." Reading some of these lit up my soul and my desire for mass lessened. Here are a few that I really like. The first 2 are from Meister Eckhart and the 3rd is from Rumi.

They are always kissing, they can't

control themselves.

It is not possible

that any creature can have greater instincts

and perceptions than the

mature human

mind.

God

ripened me.

So I see it is true:

all objects in existence are

wildly in

love.

And another:

Knowledge always deceives.

It always limits the Truth, every concept and image does.

From cage to cage the caravan moves,

but I give thanks,

for at each divine juncture

my wings expand

and I

touch Him more

intimately.

And one more:

The grass beneath a tree is content

and silent.

A squirrel holds an acorn in its praycing hands,

offering thanks, it looks like.

The nut tastes sweet; I bet the prayer spiced

it up somehow.

The broken shells fall on the grass,

and the grass looks up

and says,

"Hey."

And the squirrel looks down

and says,

"Hey."

I have been saying "Hey" lately too,

to God.

Formalities just weren't

working.

I'll give you a hug as soon as my hands are out of this pumpkin

As my hands were deep inside a pumpkin scraping out the seeds and stringy undesirables and Miguel was working on school work, I asked, "Are we engaged?" (What I actually asked was certainly not as succinct a question but that was the intent.) Now, this might seem like an odd question and certainly not in the most romantic circumstances ... But here is why I was confused and asked the question. Several weeks before leaving for Costa Rica, we had some conversations about marriage. Somewhere in the midst of those talks we jointly agreed and decided to get married. Since those discussions, I've brought up the topic numerous times wanting to clarify his commitment. It has just felt very nebulous not having the "Will you marry me?" question in there. This weekend we sat down with pen and paper to discuss all of the big decisions and changes that are to happen in the next several months. One of the topics was marriage. Given the concreteness of the discussion, it seemed that marriage really was going to happen. Hence the question of engagement. We are planning on getting married before the end of the year.

So, are you fluent?

My advisor asked this after my 3 weeks in Costa Rica. Note the emphasis on three. Of course I'm not fluent. However, I certainly have a better grasp on the language now than I did a month ago.


Despite my intention to blog frequently during my trip, I guess I only wrote a few times. Ah well. I'm ambivalent about being back in the US. As it is with everything, there are positives and negatives to every experience. I was ready to come back home to Harper (mi gato), Miguel (mi amor), and Portland. However, the last week in La Fortuna was a lot of fun. I was comfortable with the town, the Spanish school and my host family. The comfort with my host family was aided by many things - all of the ruckus surrounding my host mother's father's death (I'll explain more in a minute) was over, there were 2 other students in the house, my relationship with my host mother was developing, and my Spanish was improving. For a week following deaths in Costa Rica, the family of the deceased says the rosary every day for 7-9 days. And at the end of that time, a large celebration culminating in a mass is said for and in celebration of the deceased. So, given that my host mother has a huge family - 7 brothers and 4 sisters, plus a supportive community, this meant a ton of people in the house all of the time. Not an entirely comfortable environment for one not part of the family who doesn't speak the same language. I liked there being 2 other students in the house, because then the onus wasn't just on me to carry on a conversation ... I just felt more relaxed. Also in the past week, my host mother (okay, this is ridiculous, she needs a name - Marie) and I jointly felt an affinty for each other. She taught the weekly cooking class and dancing class at her house. A friend of her's was over for dinner as well during the cooking class last Wednesday. The 3 of us were having a conversation and I'm not sure if I was fully engaged in the conversation or not understanding everything. You know when 2 friends are talking with a 3rd person there as well and they are talking up a storm but you don't have the slightest idea what they are talking about? Well imagine that in Spanish with some of it intended for me and some not, so some is said slower and more at my level and some is rapid-fire Costa Rican Spanish (which is super fast) of which I have no context. I think this was case during the conversation in question. Anyhow, Marie makes some comment to me to the effect of "Usted es mia." Translates as "you are mine." If felt good for her to say that, but I'm still not entirely sure what she meant by it. She seamed to enjoy the fact that I laugh easily and found things funny. We both expressed sadness that I was leaving.

The country is absolutely beautiful but the tenderness that I hold for Costa Rica is more about my connection with the people there than anything. I also really like rice and beans and could eat them for desayuno, almuerzo, y cena if I so desired ... :-)

Back on the homefront while I was in Costa Rica, my mom had to put our cat Maggie to sleep, who was with the family for the past 16 years or so, and my grandfather was diagnosed with a benign but growing tumor behind his eye that will eventually kill him over the next 6 months or so. He has been going downhill for the last few years with decreased mobility and self care but this has placed him in my aunt's home and is bed-bound. Life still goes on when you are on vacation. Oh, and one of my best friends got engaged ... Congrats D.


Below are a few pictures from the trip.

The active side of Volcan Arenal - it erupted in 1968 and destroyed the town of La Fortuna. Before this eruption only a few people who ventured up to the volcano for hunting and related activities even suspected that it was a volcano. It is the 4th most dangerous volcano in the world. Any guesses on the most dangerous?? Mt St Helens ... which was always just nearly in my backyard growing up.

Before talking to a the Costa Rican doctor we worked with, I thought this might be tongue-in-cheek or something ... Translated it says "To smoke is noxious for the health." But apparently this warning has to be on every advertisement for and package of cigarrettes. Few people shoke in Costa Rica probably because it is so expensive. The typical people you see smoking are tourists from Europe.
La iglesia de La Fortuna con Volcan Arenal detras. (The La Fortuna church with the volcano in the background.)

My host mother on the left and the woman who worked in the house to clean. She came from Nicarauga and had an 8 year old daughter back at home. And yes, I'm even tall in Costa Rica.

The hills near the volcano that I believe are called cerro chato and look the outline of a man lying down. His head is on the left.