3 more nights to go or it snowed on Christmas (in Portland!) or what would it be like to have your child die on Christmas Eve?

Harper and I were soaking up heat this morning ... We heard a sound over by the door, to which Harper looked, I followed his gaze, only to discover that it was snowing great big flakes. Wow. I called my Mom to share my excitement with her. She wasn't having quite as impressive of a snowfall up in Longview. It felt like those time in elementary school (well, I guess HS as well) when it would snow and everyone ran over to the window, despite teacher's admonitions to "stay in your seat's please." Anyhow, a nice gift.

Okay, so now I've been to mass twice in the past year. Once with Yola in Seattle a few months ago and today by my lonesome for Christmas. Even went I went to mass more religiously (no pun intended) during my stint in St Louis, I reframed the homily teaching in light of different spiritual traditions. For example today's homily ... The priest discussed how Christmas isn't just a holiday for children but is very much an adult holiday as well (good point but a bit annoying, it is only put forth as a children's holiday by mass media and commercialism). Christmas is about God becoming one of us, and each of our neighbors has a bit of God in them. Reframed in my mind by a quotation I read recently that rings true: we are spirits having a human experience not humans having a spiritual experience. I agree with the priest that the difficult time comes in remembering that about our neighbors and especially, at times, about ourselves. We are all worthy and all are part of the greater Spirit of the universe (or however you want to conceptualize that for yourself). He also discussed how the shepherds were banned from attending temples in the cities. Ironic isn't it, that they received first the news of Jesus' birth. I've never thought of it that way. Whenever I hear the Christmas story, I can't help but remember the retelling of the story by Garrison Keillor, which is absolutely hilarious. Worth listening to every year.

A few excerpts from my memory ...
After the shepherds heard the news of Jesus' they "believed instantly but weren't quite sure where to go and stopped to ask others if they new about it as well.
"You didn't happen to see a heavenly host up in the sky about 10 minutes ago did you?"
"A what?"
"Oh, never mind."

Also the wise men were coming from the local Eastern university and were referred to as the "associate wise man," the "assistant wise man" and the "chair of the wisdom" department.

3 nights left to work at the hospital over this break - then 5 days off. I have a month of night float, in which I work nights (5:30pm to 7:30 am) Monday through Thursday for 4 weeks. I'm having trouble after 2 nights; I'm not sure how 16 in the stretch of a month are going to be. The intern and I are covering general pediatrics and hematology/oncology. Once of the oncology patient died at 7pm last night. It was expected - he had leukemia, went through a bone marrow transplant, and developed terrible graft vs host disease. He was intending to be discharged to hospice yesterday but got much sicker before that could happen. What would it be like to have a child die, let alone around the holidays? The intern asked rhetorically last night, whether his death will ruin Christmas for that family from now on. His life and death will certainly be remembered more poignantly this time of year, but hopefully they are able to continue living their lives, even though they will certainly also forever have some grief for the fact that they won't see their teenager reach adulthood ...

A day off with good food, a good film and great company

Yesterday was my first day off in 2 weeks, and I am grateful to have had some downtime. I was starting to get more and more testy and less and less tolerant of things, especially at work, since that was all I was doing. On days that I'm gone for 12 hours, I get up, go to my kitchen to have breakfast, bike to work. Then after work I bike home, come into my kitchen for dinner, then climb into bed. What a life. Good thing it isn't sustained for anything more than a few weeks at a time.

Miguel came to town yesterday afternoon before heading out to Clarkston for Christmas with his family. Even though we eat dinner out every few weeks, we don't do on much that feels like a "date" (and I'm heavily using quotations there, because I dislike "date" as much as I do "boyfriend"). So, we facetiously called out evening a date and went out for a dinner and a movie. My advisor recommended the Bombay Cricket Club, so we went for an excellent Indian dinner. Tuning out people around us is not one of my fortes, and so I was continually distracted by loud table of people next to us celebrating a birthday. People watching can get in the way of being present with my "date" but it is so interesting to attempt to figure out what people are talking about ... Miguel, on the other hand, is oblivious and brings me back to our table and conversation many times during a meal. After filling up on Indian food we went to see Juno downtown. I had heard the tail-end of an interview with the main character, and apparently mis-interpreted the film premise because it sounded like it was about a sexual preditor or something. Miguel read me a review of the film, which convinced me that the movie was a good idea. And was it ever ... It reminds me of Once in some ways, oddly enough because the films are very different. I highly recommend it. Strongly brought up my desire to have a baby. (It doesn't take much...)

My parents are coming together on Christmas Eve to visit me and celebrate Christmas. Over the Christmas/New Year's time, we split up the work so everyone gets 5 days off either around Christmas or New Year's. The last 2 years, I was in the NICU over Christmas. This year I'm working nights (5 nights in a row) on the general pediatric wards. These annoying signs were put up on the doctor's workroom door that proclaimed "X number of discharge days before Christmas," as if we weren't aware and keep kids in the hospital longer than needed ... So hopefully the wards are (dare I say it?) quiet. I'm hoping to get some sleep in during the nights in order to get stuff done at home during the day, like finally getting to the post office tomorrow to mail this pile of packages sitting next to me on the desk.

I may actually go to mass on Christmas. It somehow feels like the right thing to do, even though I don't really qualify myself as a Catholic anymore. The energy of that environment and singing is appealing and is calling to me ...