"Secure yourself to heaven, hold on tight the night has come ..." the song playing on speakers at the moment. A lovely Indigo Girls song.
This has been an interesting day. I was on call last night with not nearly enough sleep had, necessitating sleep for several hours this afternoon even though it was a gorgeous last day of summer during my favorite month of the year. I woke up in that never-never-land twightlight between sleep and wake. Errands took me to the video rental store to get a Harry Potter disc cleaned that wouldn't play on my computer (still won't play even cleaned). I wandered and found an available copy of _Peaceful Warrior_. A film I considered seeing in the theater months ago. But, as usual, that didn't happen. What a beautiful film to see today to quiet my soul a bit. Sometimes it doesn't take much to make me feel more alive.
And feeling more alive today, makes me realize how tough this past year has been, much of the time not feeling like myself. My mind started going over a litany of the past year. Bear with me as I recount some events a spend a few moments in grief. A year ago last weekend, my cat, Ari (short for Ariadne), died - my little feline soulmate from St Louis. 
A month after that my parents dog, Compton, died. Then in March I found out my parents weren't living together anymore and still are separated 6 months later. This all amongst the hardest, most grueling, least soul preserving year of my short medical career. I'm still here and still me with much support along the way. However, I haven't given much time to introspection this past year, to embracing the upheavals that have happened.
A month after that my parents dog, Compton, died. Then in March I found out my parents weren't living together anymore and still are separated 6 months later. This all amongst the hardest, most grueling, least soul preserving year of my short medical career. I'm still here and still me with much support along the way. However, I haven't given much time to introspection this past year, to embracing the upheavals that have happened.I feel there is still so much to process, to acknowledge, to bow to, to stand in quiet presence of.
3 comments:
*Long distant hug* Years can take you like that sometimes, like a rogue wave. (ie mom dies, year later dad re-marries a crazy woman) And you have it worst than most, with a crazy work schedule on top of it all which prevents you from sitting and thinking about it all. I am amazed at home much I am still processing that particular year--to every time there is a season. However, during the worst years, some of the best things happen. (ie, my friendship with you and Yola). We need both light and shadow. O.k., that is about as introspective as I can get at the moment. Jeez, I write a post just in your comments. Yeah! I am glad you are back.
christine - thank you for linking me to your blog. I like the introspection and imagery of your post, because I am a believer that it is good to process what is happening in life, verbally or non-verbally. I wish you a day of rest and beauty
Welcome back! I'm sorry this year has been so rough for you. One of my favorite things about you though is that you always seem to have the patience and strength to find the good stuff in your day as well. I hope that you are able to keep finding time for yourself.
Wishing you an especially peaceful week this week for your Day!
*long distance hug--and because I can't completely copy D, I'm sending you a high five too!* ;p
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